Bwa ha ha double post!

[cynchick]

Also stolen from everyone.

Pick a paragraph (or any passage less than 500 words) from any fanfic I've written, and comment to this post with that selection. I will then give you a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what's going on in the character's heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you'd expect to find on a DVD commentary track.

Comments

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Those eyes told her he knew. He knew everything; with one glance he had put all the little pieces together. And he was furious.

Sakura took a quick, deep breath and opened her mouth to speak, but her throat constricted around her words. That look on his face, in his eyes, directed at her, left a physical pain in her chest.

The silence stretched for a short eternity, livid and tense and cutting. She couldn’t look away from those hard, angry eyes.

When he finally broke the silence his voice was low and menacing and full of disbelief.

“Spy…you’re a…spy.”

Sakura blanched at the pure venom in his words. She wouldn’t insult him by denying it, and gave a tiny, single nod of her head.

“All this time…you’ve been working for Konoha.”

Again, she nodded, her brow knitting and shoulders slumping under the weight of her guilt and the pressure of his anger.

For one instant he was too shocked to control his expression and she saw it; a split second of hurt and absolute betrayal that cut through her heart like the dullest of knives. Then his eyes narrowed, rage contorting his features into something she would have found ugly had she been capable of thinking him so.

“Fuck. It all makes sense now, doesn’t it? That’s why you have such a hard time doing this job…why you’re so fucking reluctant…you really are a goody-goody Leaf ninja! This is why you have nightmares…why you can’t stand the thought of your jinchuuriki teammate being captured…why you begged me to leave him there that day…. You…you fucking lying bitch!”

Sakura recoiled as if struck, and bit her lip so hard she tasted copper as she fought against tears. “I didn’t want you to find out like this, I –”

But Deidara had disappeared. Her eyes found him a fraction of a second before she was slammed into the wall, vision filling with stars as her back and head hit hard.

“Shut up!” he snarled, fingers gripping her throat tightly. “Shut the fuck up, you deceitful, twofaced bitch…I should just fucking kill you right here and now…”

Sakura didn’t resist his suffocating grip, keeping her hands fisted tightly in her sleeves, knowing if she touched him at all he might completely snap. The tears would no longer hold back, streaming down her face as she struggled to breathe. Deidara’s breaths were hot and heavy against her cheek, seething with fury and something much worse. She gazed steadily into his pale eyes and let him see her guilt, her heartache.

[cynchick.livejournal.com]

Ahhh...the whole second half of that chapter was so exhausting to write. I really try to get into the head of the characters for scenes like that, and its pretty emotionally taxing.

I hated doing that to them, but Deidara had to find out about Sakura at some point and he could NOT be okay with it. He is not an understanding, compassionate sort of guy, and would definitely not take what he sees as a personal betrayal lightly or nonviolently. He probably could have done worse than what I made him do, because even if he loves her he is still crazy, but that wouldn't have gone over well with the readers and I personally didn't want to go there. He would have become irredeemable, and their romance unreconcilable.

In retrospect I probably could have had Sakura react/defend herself more forcefully, but to me it made sense that pacifism at that moment was the best way to prove to someone like Deidara--who is unstable and prone to aggression and was already thisclose to going over the edge-- that she wasn't a threat to him. That, and he broke her heart with his backlash and it overwhelmed her. They were both in shock at that point, and no one ever acts rationally in that state.

Did you have a specific question about this part?

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

No, I didn't. I was just curious about your thoughts on this since I really enjoy this fic (I went to the most angsty part I could find quickly).

I hated doing that to them, but Deidara had to find out about Sakura at some point and he could NOT be okay with it. He is not an understanding, compassionate sort of guy, and would definitely not take what he sees as a personal betrayal lightly or nonviolently

Word.